Guess what I’m doing on Saturday????? More than the Queen of the Brazilian Wax!
Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha
Thoughts, stories, and insights from M.E. Nesser
A new client came in and started apologizing profusely. Apparently, she hadn’t dated in three years. She told me she had a Rastafarian Cootch that was dread-locking itself. In ten minutes, I gave that Jamaican v-j-jay a new bald look.
The week before Valentine’s Day is always a fun one at Mark and M.E. New and repeat clients flock to get their parts in pristine condition for the holiday that celebrates love. The only thing that gives me angst is how many women will request that I leave the shape of a heart on the front of their bikini area. Wish me luck!
When I wake up in the morning, I try to think about something funny that happened the day before at Mark and M.E. Once I’ve decided, I write it on my blog, which is called Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha, and then I copy and paste it to my Facebook pages. I have so much fun at work that I feel compelled to share my experiences every day. For example, yesterday I had a new client scream “I’ve been snatched!” That was funny considering I do Brazilian Bikini Waxing for a living.
When you own your own business, you have to make sacrifices. But it’s okay, because I love my job. Due to staffing issues, I had to cancel my trip to the Florida Keys today. I exchanged one bush for another.
Yesterday morning, a woman came in who I hadn’t seen since August. Needless to say, she was very hairy. It was her 46th birthday and her sister brought her in to get a Brazilian. As I was waxing her, she yelled “There’s a squirrel in the house!” I couldn’t do anything but laugh because the hair on the strip did look like a pelt. When I threw the strip in the garbage, she yelled again.”There’s a dead squirrel in the garbage!” She was so loud, I could hear her sister laughing in the hallway. My job is so fun!
The V in Valentine’s Day refers to the V-J-Jay at Mark and M.E. It is a very busy time of the year for us. Since I am the only wax technician currently working at the “Home of the 10 Minute Brazilian” it would be a good idea to plan ahead and make your appointment for that very special day before it’s too late!
Yesterday, my first client walked hesitantly into our waiting room. She was an extremely petite woman in her mid-twenties. She looked so nervous that you’d think she was having major surgery and not a Brazilian Bikini Wax.
“Don’t be nervous, you’re going to be fine,” I assured her.
“I’m really scared.”
“It’s super easy. I’ll take good care of you.”
After the first rip, she yelled “That really hurt!”
“It’s only going to take 5 minutes. You got this,” I said in my cheerleader voice.
After the second rip, she yelled “I’m going to cry!”
“No one cries at Mark and M.E. Look, the whole top is done!” Looking at it didn’t help.
After the third rip, she yelled “I’m going to die!”
“Nobody has ever died at Mark and M.E. We are almost done. You’re doing great!” She didn’t believe me.
After the fourth rip, she yelled “I’m never doing this again.” They all say that.
“You’ll be back when you seen how much finer and thinner your hair grows in. In one more minute you’re going to be so happy. Trust me, you’ll love me tomorrow.” I say that a lot.
I finished the rest of the front quite quickly since she was so small. When I asked her to roll on her side, she said “Can I skip this part?”
“Nope, nobody leaves Mark and M.E. with a hairy ass.”
She reluctantly let me do that part. It was very easy. When she got off the table she said, “That wasn’t so bad. When should I come back?”
I’ve been waxing hoo-ha’s for over 20 years. I love my job and I love Mark & M.E. But tonight I’m feeling extremely frustrated. The last two wax technicians that I trained left our salon via email with no notice and with no explanation. Both of them decided to open their own salon. I would have supported both of them if they had been upfront and honest with me. I love when women want to better themselves. Instead, they were sneaky and blocked me on social media so I couldn’t find out what they were doing. The current girl is soliciting my clients through social media with deals to get people to follow her. I feel like every time I share my technique with an employee, she turns around and stabs me in the back. It’s disheartening. I’m sorry for being a Debby Downer; I’m just feeling sad and betrayed. Maybe it’s time for me to become a famous romance writer and live on a yacht in the Caribbean?