Two college aged girls came together for a wax. I was really busy so I said, “let’s go, get naked, hop on the table.” The one girl called me bossy. I have a no-nonsense approach to this whole Brazilian thing and I hate dilly dallying. This is definitely not a service I want to leisurely perform. She had been to the salon before, but it was her first time with me. I told her, “Look. Vagina on. Vagina off. This is something I’d rather not linger over.”
In less than ten minutes, they were both completely bald.
As I was leaving the room, they professed their devotion to me. Being bossy isn’t being mean. It is how I show I care.
Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha
Thoughts, stories, and insights from M.E. Nesser
There are millions of women going through the barbaric service of waxing their entire hoo-ha for their men. Ok guys, take a look in the mirror. We want you to groom as well. But we do have some rules. You need to keep up with it. If you shave to the skin, do it daily. A five o’clock shadow doesn’t feel good between our legs whether it’s coming from your face or your junk. And if you take a clipper to it, don’t go too short, because that pisses off our skin as well. We want smooth faces & smooth private places. Lesson over.
A woman came in today who was really unsure about whether or not I was honestly comfortable waxing someone when she has her period. So when I approached her in the waiting area, she asked me if I was really OK with it being corked. Took me a second to figure out what she was referring to, and then I laughed because I loved the expression and I had never heard it before.
Believe me, sometimes it is more hygienic when it is plugged up. So, yes, I am OK if you have a cork in it.
So a girl hops on the table and starts giggling even before I touched her. Laughing is a common response when a woman is nervous about getting a wax. Her laughter was so infectious that it was hard not to laugh with her. I asked her if she laughed like that during sex.
Her reply, “only if his penis is small.”
A lady calls and says she didn’t know if she should cancel her appointment because she had just gotten her period. My husband told her to put a fresh tampon in when she got to the shop and I’d be happy to do her.
When she started undressing, she asked me if I knew she had called. I hadn’t. Women call all the time wondering if I can wax them during their cycle. I told her as long as she was plugged up, we were good.
So she undressed, hopped up on the table, and told me that she never wore tampons.
It shouldn’t surprise anyone that a lot of swearing goes on during a wax service. Some of the sweetest, most conservative women can swear like truck drivers. Women even swear in other languages. That always makes me laugh. Many women apologize because they get embarrassed when they scream obscenities, but I always try to reassure them that it is very common and doesn’t bother me at all. I even read a blurb in a magazine that said swearing can help you cope with pain better. So swear away, my virgin ears can take it.
And, for the record, fuck is the number one swear word that I hear when I wax someone.
There’s a really long chapter in my book about hygiene. It’s called “what’s that smell?” When you are dealing with genitalia, it’s vital that the area you are working on is clean. Therefore, if I am waxing your backside and I pull the strip off and there is brown residue all over the strip, you seriously do not understand how to properly cleanse yourself prior to a wax. Bowel movements and Brazilians should be two totally distinctive, unrelated events. Get it?