Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

I F*cking love you ME!! Brillo… geez thats a bit rough!

Listen up ladies. If you have never had a Brazilian, I have to warn you that it isn’t like getting a back rub. The feeling can range from slightly uncomfortable to fucking excruciating. Regardless of how it feels and how well you tolerate pain, stop fighting me! I am tired of you closing your legs, covering your parts with your hand when its covered in wax, and pushing your leg against my torso hoping I’ll just go away or fall over. Once you’ve made the decision to get it done, suck it up. Be cooperative and stop whining. No matter how hard you resist, I will finish the service. And, believe me, the less you fight me, the quicker it’s over.

A girl came in today with hair from hell. It was coarse, thick, dense. Reminded me of a Brillo pad. It was a total bitch trying to get the hair off her lips. The wax just seemed to sit on top of the hair and laugh at me. It wasn’t budging. The hot wax was just soaking up the hair and not even remotely making contact with the skin so I could pull it effectively from the roots. With a lot of perseverance and a fair amount of swear words, however, I finally got her bald.
It was then that I did a little happy dance and told her I was feeling cocky because I won the battle with her pubes. She thought that was an appropriate adjective to accompany a Brazilian. I would have to agree.

OK, this is the deal. Naked bodies, no matter what the shape, size…whatever…. don’t scare me. My goal is to make everyone bald as a newborn. It really is a good thing….better sex….better hygiene. I have 2 college students that have been coming to me for a couple years. They always come into the room together. I try as hard as I can to make each client feel as comfortable as possible when they come in for a Brazilian. I know it can be weird getting undressed from the waist down and laying down in front of me as I proceed to put hot wax on your genitalia and then rip it off like some sadistic bitch. In my opinion, we basically all have the same parts and I try to give it as little thought as possible to the actual body part I am focusing on. Anyways, these college girls made an insightful observation. The service is uncomfortable only if you make it that way. I’m not uncomfortable with your hairy naked body, so you shouldn’t be.

A gentleman friend of mine told me he was kind of happy that his girlfriend lived out of town because he could take a break from grooming his member. He finds shaving a pain and when it grows in, it tends to itch like crazy. So even though he misses her, he is enjoying the break from manicuring his manhood.

Shaving does lead to break outs, rash, ingrown hairs, and even pain. This is why we have dedicated ourselves to this whole waxing thing. Shaving is evil.

Two college aged girls came together for a wax. I was really busy so I said, “let’s go, get naked, hop on the table.” The one girl called me bossy. I have a no-nonsense approach to this whole Brazilian thing and I hate dilly dallying. This is definitely not a service I want to leisurely perform. She had been to the salon before, but it was her first time with me. I told her, “Look. Vagina on. Vagina off. This is something I’d rather not linger over.”
In less than ten minutes, they were both completely bald.
As I was leaving the room, they professed their devotion to me. Being bossy isn’t being mean. It is how I show I care.

There are millions of women going through the barbaric service of waxing their entire hoo-ha for their men. Ok guys, take a look in the mirror. We want you to groom as well. But we do have some rules. You need to keep up with it. If you shave to the skin, do it daily. A five o’clock shadow doesn’t feel good between our legs whether it’s coming from your face or your junk. And if you take a clipper to it, don’t go too short, because that pisses off our skin as well. We want smooth faces & smooth private places. Lesson over.

A woman came in today who was really unsure about whether or not I was honestly comfortable waxing someone when she has her period. So when I approached her in the waiting area, she asked me if I was really OK with it being corked. Took me a second to figure out what she was referring to, and then I laughed because I loved the expression and I had never heard it before.

Believe me, sometimes it is more hygienic when it is plugged up. So, yes, I am OK if you have a cork in it.

You think I’m jacked from weight lifting? No. That ain’t it.

Try ripping out massive amounts of dense pubic hair in one big swipe. That’ll do it.

So a girl hops on the table and starts giggling even before I touched her. Laughing is a common response when a woman is nervous about getting a wax. Her laughter was so infectious that it was hard not to laugh with her. I asked her if she laughed like that during sex.

Her reply, “only if his penis is small.”