Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

We accept last minute calls for appointments as well as walk in’s because I am able to wax so quickly. So when one of my regulars called yesterday to come in at 4, we were happy to accomodate her.
Earlier that day, she told me she had taken a nap. When she woke up, her fiance asked her if she wanted to go to the gym. She said she’d love to. While she was getting ready, he told her that he trimmed the hedges while she was sleeping. The lawn reference reminded her that she needed a wax so she told him she couldn’t go to the gym because she needed to trim her hedges as well.

“Roll on your right and lift your left cheek.” I say this dozens of times every day. Probably 1/3 of my ladies roll on their left. It’s understandable though. Even if you don’t have directional confusion, I am convinced that all the blood goes between the legs and away from the brain for a few minutes. One lady that rolled onto her right and lifted her cheek said “this just ain’t right.” Yea, I admit that it’s pretty messed up.

I don’t call you and tell you to make an appointment with me. Not only do you make the call, you drive yourself to Mt. Hope Ave and voluntarily walk into the salon to see me. So why do you put your foot against my back and try to push me away, close your legs while I am applying the wax to make everything even messier and stickier, or try to cover your parts with your clothes? Fighting me does not help. It makes the service take so much longer and the more you fight me, the greater your risk of bruising and irritating your skin. I am really fast and really thorough. Play by the rules.

I know that the monthly expense of a wax can be trying sometimes, but have you ever thought about asking your man to contribute? You’d be surprised how fast he reaches into his back pocket.

Thank God my husband is a confident man, because his wife spends an awful lot of time obsessing over pussies.

I’m hoping to be visiting Dr Davenport early next year!!

Silicone boobs. A snatch as smooth as silicone. All good.

I was sitting by a public pool noticing all the rashy bikini lines on women who obviously don’t know about the the numerous perks of waxing. Thank goodness I am out of town or I may have felt compelled to start handing my business cards out. I’m sorry but diaper rash bikini lines is not attractive.

Stayed at a hotel last night that had the best apparatus for cleaning your cootch. A hose with a powerful shower head that was perfect for power washing all of a woman’s cracks and crevices. May need to install one of these bad boys at Mark & M.E.

A boyfriend told his girl “I’m so happy you started waxing, because when you used to shave it, I’d get soft.”