Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Don’t let the whole wax process intimidate you. It’s like having a baby. It worth it when it’s over.

It’s more fun when they can find it.

I woke up this morning thinking that this whole “hose down your hoo-ha” thing was kind of negative. Believe me, it’s an appropriate title, but I am not a negative person. In fact, I tend to be a really happy, vivacious kind of lady, so I think I have an idea. I don’t know if it’s my years of being an elementary school teacher or due to the fact that I have always loved making up rhymes and songs for my kids, but I love catchy phrases that rhyme. Since the whole point of a Brazilian is to make a woman feel more confident about her body and hopefully encourage more fulfilling sexual experiences, I am thinking about referring to my manuscript as “The Happy Hoo-Ha.”

We accept last minute calls for appointments as well as walk in’s because I am able to wax so quickly. So when one of my regulars called yesterday to come in at 4, we were happy to accomodate her.
Earlier that day, she told me she had taken a nap. When she woke up, her fiance asked her if she wanted to go to the gym. She said she’d love to. While she was getting ready, he told her that he trimmed the hedges while she was sleeping. The lawn reference reminded her that she needed a wax so she told him she couldn’t go to the gym because she needed to trim her hedges as well.

“Roll on your right and lift your left cheek.” I say this dozens of times every day. Probably 1/3 of my ladies roll on their left. It’s understandable though. Even if you don’t have directional confusion, I am convinced that all the blood goes between the legs and away from the brain for a few minutes. One lady that rolled onto her right and lifted her cheek said “this just ain’t right.” Yea, I admit that it’s pretty messed up.

I don’t call you and tell you to make an appointment with me. Not only do you make the call, you drive yourself to Mt. Hope Ave and voluntarily walk into the salon to see me. So why do you put your foot against my back and try to push me away, close your legs while I am applying the wax to make everything even messier and stickier, or try to cover your parts with your clothes? Fighting me does not help. It makes the service take so much longer and the more you fight me, the greater your risk of bruising and irritating your skin. I am really fast and really thorough. Play by the rules.

I know that the monthly expense of a wax can be trying sometimes, but have you ever thought about asking your man to contribute? You’d be surprised how fast he reaches into his back pocket.

Thank God my husband is a confident man, because his wife spends an awful lot of time obsessing over pussies.

I’m hoping to be visiting Dr Davenport early next year!!

Silicone boobs. A snatch as smooth as silicone. All good.