Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Fuck is a very popular word at Mark & M.E. In fact, it is probably the most common expletive said in our salon. The other day, a woman must have said the word a dozen times and then followed up with an apology. For the record, there is no reason to apologize. I am putting hot wax between your legs and ripping out your precious pubes with a big smile on my face as you squirm in pain. I get the swearing thing. As I was half way through this particular woman’s service, she upgraded her swearing to mother fucker. My reply, awwwww…..now fuck has a mommy.

You tend to be more sensitive when you are ovulating. Great time to make a baby. Not so great time to get ripped.

One of the clients that explained the dicky-do phrase to me came in on Saturday with a birthday card. (my birthday is in may but the card was perfect) The card depicts a man with a huge belly walking a wiener dog on a leash. She wrote dicky-do on the front of the card with an arrow to his belly. Inside, the card read “You’re not old till you look down and can barely see your wiener.”

For those of you who have been following my blog for awhile, you may remember that I had never heard of the F.U.P.A. expression before. Well, now I have been introduced to another expression. Dicky-do. From what I understand, dicky-do refers to a man who has such a big belly that he cannot see his penis. This reinforces one of the many things I was thankful for over the Thanksgiving weekend. Be thankful if you can find it. You’d hate to have a dicky-do.

I have to agree that the occasional tag-along drip is easier caught when you’re bare.

There is always the ongoing question whether or not a woman should leave her socks on when she takes her pants off. Many women feel very awkward leaving their socks on while they get waxed. It is kind of like leaving them on during sex. For others, especially at this time of the year, it feels a lot more comfortable to keep the piggies covered. And I do have a few women who take their socks half way off. They actually expose their heel and that is what makes them the most comfortable in front of me. Believe me, when your snatch is in my face, I ain’t looking at your feet.

I had another urine concern this week. A woman didn’t want to do a full Brazilian because someone told her that removing all of the labia hair will cause your urine to go all over the place. Again, this really doesn’t make sense to me. I like to concentrate on how much cleaner it is to go the bathroom without all of that nasty pubic hair in the way.

Someone told me that ever since I waxed her the first time, her pee comes out sideways. I know that I have some strange and interesting talents, but changing the direction of your urethra isn’t one of them.

Pubic hair does not keep you warm in the winter, so hurry up and bring your hairy hoo-ha’s in to see me.

A woman came in for her first wax and was embarrassed by the amount of hair she had. She told me I’d have to deal with all the buckwheat between her legs. Thought that was an interesting analogy.