Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

I don’t get nervous when a woman goes a really long time between waxes. In fact, the descriptions of their lady parts tend to be funny. A woman emailed me for an appointment and was disgusted by how hairy she was. She said she had a jungle where there should be a beach.

I asked a woman how she knew her husband was “the one.” She said when they realized they had an attraction to one another, he said that he couldn’t imagine a relationship without oral sex. They have been together for over a decade and she has never been bald. Now she is. I can only imagine how happy he must be.

Everyone’s vagina is unique. It is this wondrous entity that lives, breathes, feels pleasure and also feels pain. And everyone’s relationship with their vagina is unique as well. If a woman tells me that her cootchy is crying, then I suppose that it is.

When you are getting any area waxed, please be advised that the area is sticky and it’s not a good idea to touch the area until after I have finished and you have properly cleaned up. I had a girl that wouldn’t stop putting her hand on her hoo-ha while I was working on her. Her hand got all sticky but she just kept touching it. She said she was sorry but she “couldn’t stop playing with it.” She continued by saying that “I know he won’t be able to stop playing with it either!”

And, as a side note, this is my 300Th blog. Holy shit, I cannot believe I had 300 consecutive things to say! Yea, right.

I have clients that make their appointments via email now and, due to the nature of the service, the emails tend to be funny. The other day a girl asked for a specific day but said as far as the time was concerned, she was flexible: no pun intended.

It should be obvious by now that I am a huge fan of the no hair thing. And it seems I am not alone. Not only do women get it all waxed for a more liberating feeling and to enhance their sex life, they also get it done so they don’t have a hairy ass when they get a colonoscopy.

A guy told his girl she had fat lips. She asked him if he meant PHAT or FAT? He said FAT. Her feelings were obviously hurt and she commented that there was more cushion for the pushing. I thought that was a cute response but my first reaction would have been to slap this dude up side the head. Trust me, if a guy ever criticized my v-j-jay, the only thing he’d be pushing against would be his right hand.

On the ride to the salon, two newbies were talking about how worried they were that they might pee on the table because they were so nervous. They told me about their conversation and when the second girl was getting waxed, she said it hurt so bad that she really was nervous that she would pee on the table. If they are worried about that now, wait until they have a couple kids.

Happy to say, I did not come in contact with any bodily fluids.

Some of my Hispanic ladies have such fire in their responses. There have been times when they are by far the most entertaining. I think they actually may have hot salsa in their sensations.

For the most part, my chocolate girls are much more demonstrative than their vanilla counterparts.