Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

No matter what size you are, your pussy never gets that big. So it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another if you are a size 2 or a size 22. A lady came in and said she had wanted to wax for over a year and a half but was waiting until she lost some weight before she got it done. After a year had passed and she didn’t lose one pound she told me she just decided “fuck it, I’m getting this done anyways.” Now that’s the right attitude.

People say the weirdest shit when they are on the table. A woman told me she really wanted to knit. I was confused. She said that she had her knitting in her purse and that is what she wanted to do instead of finishing the wax. The knitting had to wait. I always finish.

When I go for a yearly exam, I expect to put my feet in those embarrassing little holders, but I never liked that position of submission. I don’t care how inflexible, overweight or hairy you may be. I will never use stirrups.

A girl told me she was sweating like she was on an airplane. Good news. This flight only takes 4-7 minutes.

Did you know that today was Steak & Blow Job day? Apparently, if your man did a good job on Valentine’s Day, then on March 14Th, which would be one month later, you are supposed to reciprocate with his favorite things. Always learning.

A girl came in and said she had a massive nest down below. She wasn’t joking. It was pretty massive. Happy to say nothing creepy was living in the nest.

A guy wanted to leave a hickey on his girl’s upper thigh to see what kind of reaction I would have. Dude, nothing shocks me. I’ve heard thousands of women’s perverted stories. It’s all good.

Fast and furious? Yep.

New girl comes in. First time. Thought it was painful. Swore like a trucker. But it was still all good. As she was leaving, she told Mark & I that she was so excited about her Brazilian that she was going to find some one’s face to sit on.

Californication is a funny and racy series on Showtime. It’s pretty raunchy which is probably why I find it so amusing. There is a waxologist (not really a word but that’s what they call her) on the show that waxes celebrity’s pussies. On the last episode, they show her pitching to start a series of her own about what she does for a living. I think it is a great idea. Women have all sorts of drama and who wouldn’t want to watch a show that focuses on pussies? This is where I need your help. My manuscript entitled “The Happy Hoo-Ha” is complete. All I need is someone to represent me and help me get it published. In this day of Internet networking, there has to be someone out there who knows someone who will think I am a tad bit interesting and funny. You have to admit that what I do for a living is pretty unique. Think of all the stories you have read to date. And there is so much more. So please spread the word. Women say crazy shit to me while they spread their legs. I have faith in my followers. Remember what my quest in life is….to celebrate the perfectly primped pussy.