Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Do you remember the scene in Home Alone when the little boy puts after shave on his cleanly shaven face and screams? On our clean up stations at the salon, I have 2 bottles. A pointy bottle with oil in it to take the wax off your cooch and a pump bottle with hand sanitizer for your hands. When a woman put a liberal amount of hand sanitizer between her legs and started jumping up and down like she was on a pogo stick, I had to yell at her to stop jumping and start wiping!

Pussies are more peaceful when they are pampered properly.

Got an email from a gal who wanted to know if I had any time to “deforest her.” Silly girl. Doesn’t she realize I am the queen of deforestation?

We received an interesting request at Mark & M.E. A girl would like us to put “Oh Shit Handles” on the sides of the bed.

Men often accompany their women in the room while I wax them. I don’t think all the guys motives are the same, but I don’t care one way or the other as long as they aren’t creepy. It’s not like they haven’t seen their woman’s junk before. But I got another interesting request not too long ago. One of the guys wanted to know how I felt about having one or two other couples in the room at the same time. And you wonder why I don’t teach grade school anymore?

When a woman is walking into the wax room and says her bush looks like a werewolf, it is hard not to get a lttle nervous.

When clients vacation in the winter, they will often wait a long time between waxes to make sure they remain totally hair-free throughout their trip. And since New York is so cold in the winter, it isn’t as imperative that we stay so impeccably groomed every month. One of my girls waited a really long time between waxes so she was perfect for Jamaica. The night before she came in for the wax, she had a dream that she had 6 inches of pubic hair which she was able to donate to locks of love.

I recommend wearing boy shorts for that in between time. Believe me, guys think we look so hot in these awkward short short things that rise half way up our ass that they won’t give a shit if there is a little hair underneath.

A woman with an overgrown puss walked into the wax room and exclaimed that she felt like a Russian traitor.

I really think pubic hair is gross. It can harbor odor and all sorts of female gunk. And I’m happy to say that one of the reasons I am such a busy wax technician is due to the fact that I am not alone with my aversion to unwanted and unnecessary hair that grows between the legs. So when a woman told me she had waited way too long to see me and that not only was she mortified, she was nasified by her hair, I was totally in sync with her perfectly descriptive made up word.