Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

It’s really tough to give a good wax job with your man’s baby butter all over the place. And frankly, it’s fucking gross.

So I guess you didn’t read my helpful hint page on my website. Getting high did not make it easier. It made you a weenie.

A lot of my clients use cute little sayings to refer to their private area and also have secret personal codes that they use with their loved one’s when they talk about coming to see me. One of my clients always tells her husband that she is going to H.O.P. Acronyms are often used but at first I couldn’t figure out the connection between the v-j-jay and pancakes. She wasn’t referring to the restaurant. She was referring to the House of Pain.

I dare ya.

It exists! It is called a merkin!

When women move to a new city, it can be stressful finding a new salon, especially one that can do a good Brazilian wax. I told a woman that had just moved to the area that she called the right place. Not only do I have many years of experience, the average Brazilian only takes me 4-7 minutes. When I met her, she told me that she was shocked by how fast I said I could do a Brazilian. All of her experiences had taken much longer. She told her boyfriend what I said about the time frame. She also told him that she didn’t know if she should be excited and impressed or seriously frightened.

When someone says “I don’t want to play anymore” over and over and over again, I’m thinking I should probably stop?

Black girls are prone to nasty hair bumps which is why they shouldn’t shave. One of my regulars was on vacation and didn’t wax before she left. While away, she met a man and needed to groom her girl, so she found a random place to get a wax. We aren’t exactly sure what the tech did wrong, but my client broke out in a bumpy, rashy mess. She was so freaked out that when she got home, she called a clinic and got checked for an STD. The bumps were nothing but pissed off skin from an inexperienced wax tech. Now her puss is back in my care and we are working on getting it pretty again.

No matter what size you are, your pussy never gets that big. So it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another if you are a size 2 or a size 22. A lady came in and said she had wanted to wax for over a year and a half but was waiting until she lost some weight before she got it done. After a year had passed and she didn’t lose one pound she told me she just decided “fuck it, I’m getting this done anyways.” Now that’s the right attitude.

People say the weirdest shit when they are on the table. A woman told me she really wanted to knit. I was confused. She said that she had her knitting in her purse and that is what she wanted to do instead of finishing the wax. The knitting had to wait. I always finish.