Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Today mark’s the 1 year anniversary of Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha. I never thought that I would find 365 consecutive things to say about pussies. And, not only have I had a blast recounting my experiences to you over the past year, I have so much more to share. My goal with this blog was to find representation so I can get my book called “The Happy Hoo-Ha” published. And I still have faith in my followers that someone will be able to help me out with this endeavor. The book is funny and racy and, since it is obvious that each and every one of you are fans of the puss, then please help me out. I won’t disappoint you. Until then, I will try to keep you amused with all the crazy shit that people do and say when they are naked from the waist down and are having hot waxed spread on their snatch.

No one leaves Mark & M.E. with a hairy ass. So if you think you are getting off my table without rolling on your side and letting me stick a Popsicle stick between your butt cheeks, you are sorely mistaken.

A girl told her boyfriend she was going to see one of only three people that get to see her v-j-jay. I’m honored and he was psyched.

No kidding! I hate it when massage therapists think they need to leave while I change….and then you are laying there waiting for them to come back for what feels like ages. I guess some people are really slow when it comes to taking their clothes off…

It is always interesting to see what happens when I meet new people and tell them what I do for a living. When I tell someone that my husband and I own a salon, the person will always assume I cut hair. When I tell people that I do Brazilians for a living, it tends to cause some brow raising. A man recently was intrigued that I give women what he referred to as the “Kojak” all day long. I thought the analogy was perfect, provided you are old enough to remember who Telly Savalas was.

There are a few reasons we have decided not to wax men in their private area at Mark & M.E. One of the main reasons is that we have had one too many guys call the salon and even come into the salon who were just plain creepy. But when a man sent me an email looking for a “Brozilian” I almost had to say yes because I thought that term was clever.

A woman referred to me as Jack the Ripper. I thought it sounded ominous. I kind of liked it.

When a woman comes in at the end of the day with a bottle of Cuervo and 2 hunks of lime, it would be impolite if I didn’t participate in her pre-wax celebration. Actually, she was using Jose as liquid courage. She hadn’t been waxed in a long time. It helped.

It is an inefficient use of time for me to leave the room while you undress considering I am about to put my hands all up in your junk.

It is incredible how your body changes when you are pregnant. Sexually, you feel like a 16 year old boy who can just not get enough. Things happen in your sleep without any effort at all. I think it’s God’s way of distracting our men from realizing how fat and miserable we can be. So when a pregnant woman told me it felt good when I spread the wax on her junk, I understood. Although that was not the first time someone told me it felt good when I was doing my thing down there, I definitely make all the good feelings disappear with one good rip.