Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

A girl told her boyfriend she was going to see one of only three people that get to see her v-j-jay. I’m honored and he was psyched.

No kidding! I hate it when massage therapists think they need to leave while I change….and then you are laying there waiting for them to come back for what feels like ages. I guess some people are really slow when it comes to taking their clothes off…

It is always interesting to see what happens when I meet new people and tell them what I do for a living. When I tell someone that my husband and I own a salon, the person will always assume I cut hair. When I tell people that I do Brazilians for a living, it tends to cause some brow raising. A man recently was intrigued that I give women what he referred to as the “Kojak” all day long. I thought the analogy was perfect, provided you are old enough to remember who Telly Savalas was.

There are a few reasons we have decided not to wax men in their private area at Mark & M.E. One of the main reasons is that we have had one too many guys call the salon and even come into the salon who were just plain creepy. But when a man sent me an email looking for a “Brozilian” I almost had to say yes because I thought that term was clever.

A woman referred to me as Jack the Ripper. I thought it sounded ominous. I kind of liked it.

When a woman comes in at the end of the day with a bottle of Cuervo and 2 hunks of lime, it would be impolite if I didn’t participate in her pre-wax celebration. Actually, she was using Jose as liquid courage. She hadn’t been waxed in a long time. It helped.

It is an inefficient use of time for me to leave the room while you undress considering I am about to put my hands all up in your junk.

It is incredible how your body changes when you are pregnant. Sexually, you feel like a 16 year old boy who can just not get enough. Things happen in your sleep without any effort at all. I think it’s God’s way of distracting our men from realizing how fat and miserable we can be. So when a pregnant woman told me it felt good when I spread the wax on her junk, I understood. Although that was not the first time someone told me it felt good when I was doing my thing down there, I definitely make all the good feelings disappear with one good rip.

I know the hoo-ha can generate some heat when I wax it, but if you want someone to blow on it during the service, you’ll have to bring in a friend to blow on you. I’m not doing it.

I have a girl that normally squirms and screams during a wax. OK, maybe I have more than one girl. Anyways, the Brazilian service is always an adventure with her. When she came in the last time, she told me she had a glass of wine before she came in. Although I don’t encourage alcohol consumption prior to a wax, she seemed much calmer than usual. As she was getting on the table, her phone rang. I told her to take the call. I have had plenty of women conduct phone business while I rip them. She talked to a friend on the phone during the entire service and was very composed while I did my thing. She decided that, from now on, wine and phone were the two key prerequisites to enduring the wax.