Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

I love when people who have moved out of town come back to visit me. A woman who now lives in Virginia told me she couldn’t wait to hear me say “give me your ass.”

Was it easy for the Easter Bunny to find his treats this morning or did he have to rummage through the grass?

I don’t mind waxing the crack in your ass, but when there is crap smeared on your ass, I am not a happy girl.

I love hearing stories from my clients about their past wax experiences. A girl told me her first experience was so uncomfortable, it took her a long time to get the nerve to do it again. The service lasted about an hour and the woman wouldn’t talk to her. My client told me she wanted to say to the girl “what the hell are you thinking?” She just wanted the technician to stop staring so intently at her v-j-jay and say something. I could feel the awkwardness as she was describing the scenario. My advice to beauty professionals is the following. If you aren’t comfortable spreading a girl’s lips and doing your thing, stick to cutting hair, not ripping hair.

A client told me that it wasn’t very ladylike to lie on her side while I waxed the crack of her ass. I told her that it wasn’t ladylike to have a hairy ass.

When a woman walks into the room and says “get ready for Woodstock,” I’m instantly wishing I had something to light up to prepare myself.

I am very passionate in my desire to avoid contact with your man’s baby butter. It is obvious that some guys have really bad aim. So no matter how well you shoot, wait until the day after the wax to play Russian Roulette.

I waxed over 100 women last week. It was crazy fun. But then I found out that if I was working in Upper Manhattan, I would be able to charge 300 per Brazilan. That is insane! I have to move.

This week was “let’s hang onto to M.E.’s arm while she rips me” week. Just a little dribble of advice; it works better when I can use both arms.

Welcome to the start of my 2ND year of Hosing Down Your Hoo-ha. I have a scattered brain so you never know what you’ll get from me. Sometimes my goal will be to make you laugh, because, face it, I have a funny job. There are times that it will be necessary to gross you out. When I come across an undesirable pussy, there is no way I am going to suffer alone. And every once in awhile I hope to shock you just a little bit. Because, in case you haven’t noticed, women can be down right nasty.