Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

My 400TH blog today just happens to fall on my birthday. So I was thinking about how long I can keep this up. So I decided that as long as clients keep saying and doing crazy shit, I’ll be here to share in the fun. Like when a woman brings in her step son’s new girlfriend for a wax and hangs onto her boob as a distraction, I am still amused and feel the need to share.

Here’s another reason why waxing is a smarter method of hair removal. If you haven’t heard about Megan Barnes, then you need to Google her. She was shaving her puss while driving in Florida while her ex-husband was steering her car. She was on her way to a date. Surprisingly, she got into a car accident. And, if you can find a picture of her, I think you’d agree that shaving her v-j-jay was the least of her worries.

A woman told me it was time to get rid of her love rug. So I did.

When I was in college, I worked as a sales consultant at a weight loss clinic. I tried to encourage the women to treat themselves with something besides a hot fudge sundae when they lost weight, such as a manicure or a piece of jewelry. A woman who I normally wax every four weeks waited longer than usual because she rewarded herself with a wax after she lost 20 pounds. I thought that was an awesome reward.

I’m pretty oblivious to tattoo’s after all of these years, but a rubber chicken tattoo on a woman’s ass really cracked me up.

A lot of women come on their lunch hour to get waxed. I had to laugh when a woman left for lunch and drove 20 minutes out of the way to stop by her house to take a quick shower before coming to the shop for a Brazilian. She told me she didn’t want to end up on a blog.

When you wax over a shaved puss, the hair looks pretty scary. It stands on end and looks somewhat petrified. A client looked at her strip of hair and said it looked like the old school Nintendo grass.

I have been waxing since the 1990’s and in all that time, I have only had 2 people cry. Well, there must have been something messed up in the universe, because I had 2 people cry just last week. One was a bride who was stressed out about her wedding, completely exhausted and totally anxious about getting a wax. OK, that’s understandable. The 2nd girl started crying when I waxed her knee. A knee. Really?

I got an article entitled Manscaping 101 published in an online magazine called The Social Gods. Hopefully, this will get me one step closer to getting my manuscript published. I plan to write monthly articles for this magazine as long as I can find something amusing to say. As the title suggests, the article is about the different options that men have when it comes to grooming their junk. It appears I have a fascination with well groomed genitalia. I wonder what Freud would say to that?

Just when I think I have heard every expression for the puss that’s out there, another one gets mentioned that I feel compelled to pass on to you. A client came in and said that her mom couldn’t believe that she was paying to have her “paw paw patch” removed.