Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Summer is here. Is your snatch sexy or scary?

I like to keep the conversation going during a wax because it’s a good distraction for the client. I asked a woman who she lived with and as I was pulling a strip off she yelled “Jesus!”

I can count on one hand how many women I have thoroughly trained to wax like I do, and only a couple of them can actually do it like me. So if someone tells you she was trained by me, chances are she is full of shit.

Women get so nervous that I am going to judge what I see when they undress. A woman couldn’t decide if she should make up a story or tell me the truth about her body. She took off her pants, covered her parts with her hands, and hesitated getting on the table while she decided what to tell me. The problem was that she was bruised on her upper thighs and didn’t want me to think she was being abused by her husband. She was actually embarrassed because she tried waxing herself and her skin was pretty beat up. Sometimes saving money just isn’t worth it.

I like when the waxing service accompanies another monumental experience. It’s flattering to be a part of something memorable. Like when 2 girls come in together for Brazilians then go get their hoods pierced.

Life is a continuous learning experience. And it is amazing what I learn from my clients. Did you know you can buy rubber sheets? They are used for Golden Showers. Yep, that’s right. Golden Showers. I guess they are easier to clean when someone pees all over you during sex.

I’ve had several women over the years bite on their socks or towels when they are getting waxed. The other day, I had another first. A girl said that she forgot her teddy bear to hang onto so she rolled up her jeans and hung onto them for dear life. I have to admit that it looked kind of funny seeing a girl hugging her jeans. But, whatever works.

A husband kept teasing his wife about how long her hair was getting. He’d rub the area and say that he was patting the rug. After I finished, I told her he couldn’t pat the rug anymore. He’d have to pat the linoleum.

Women get so embarrassed when they are really hairy. What they need to understand is that I like it when there is an overgrown bush. Not only does it make me look like I have really done an amazing job, but the wax tends to last longer. The apologies are endless and the comments can be really funny when the bush is big. A woman told me to be prepared because she sprayed Miracle Grow on her vagina.

Waxing is easier, faster and less painful when you get it done on a regular basis. Waiting for months between waxes will make it harder on both of us. A girl who normally gets waxed every four weeks skipped a few months. Boy, did she regret it. She told me that from now on, she will continue to be a frequent flyer no matter what.