Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

I have become very popular with the runners in Rochester. Why, you may ask? Because shaving causes irritation. Leaving it hairy causes irritation. Basically what I have learned is that you can run faster when you don’t have blisters on our beave.

This is perfect since it’s Sunday. A woman came in and said, “Mary Elizabeth, I have a Catholic Confession to make. It has been 2 months since my last Brazilian.”

A Brazilian refers to the removal of all of the pubic and rectal hair. And I have a strict policy that no one leaves Mark & M.E. with ass hair. My goal is to wax every square inch, every time. I know that can be a scary thought, but that part of the body really doesn’t hurt to get waxed. I couldn’t help but laugh, however, when a girl told me her shit hole was scared.

When a grown woman “fluffs” through the entire wax and apologizes for “fluffing” and says she is embarrassed that she keeps “fluffing” and says she can’t stop “fluffing,” I have to admit that I wasn’t grossed out or even shocked. I just couldn’t stop laughing.

Gotta love the expression on a man’s face when he discovers that his woman has gotten her first Brazilian. Better than Christmas.

There are so many fun and wonderful names for the female anatomy that sometimes I just can’t decide which one I like the best. I had a husband come with his wife to one of her waxing appointments. The next time, when she came by herself, she said that her husband was interested in what I called her lady parts that day. You never know.

A woman told me she was going to have to buy a good lawnmower because her lawn was so overgrown. She continued by saying that she decided to come see me instead because she needed a good landscaper.

A client told me she liked getting waxed, because it’s better to lick the kitty when the kitty is clean.

Getting a Brazilian should be the woman’s idea. Generally, if a woman only does it for a man, she won’t keep it up. However, when a man “respectfully requests” that she go bald so he can really enjoy it, it’s hard to say no.

There are disposable wipes in the restroom for a reason. Even though I use a new stick every time down there, gunk in the creases is not OK.