Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

A couple was discussing their finances. They were trying to figure out areas where they could save money. The wife offered to cut out her Brazilians. Her husband said he’d rather get rid of cable.

Did you know that it is possible for the v-j-jay to get all stretched out and discolored? According to one of my cops, prostitutes often have big, dark lips that the cops like to refer to as roast beef curtains.

If your guy isn’t Brazilian worthy, don’t give up the Brazilians, give up the guy.

A couple weeks ago I blogged about a woman who had really bad gas and kept apologizing for “fluffing” during the service. Since then I learned that there is an occupation in our culture called a “fluffer.” According to my sources, a fluffer is a person who works in the porn industry keeping the main characters erect during filming. I thought this was fascinating, and I have to thank my clients for keeping me so well informed.

If you have to bring 2 friends in to hold your hands and even take turns holding a leg, I have to wonder if you really want it done.

“No one leaves Mark & M.E. with a hairy ass.” That is something I say to every new person who comes in and is afraid to roll on their side. Every once in awhile, however, I’ll let someone get away with not getting it done. A girl told me she really wasn’t in the mood to get her ass waxed, and, if it was OK with me, she’d really prefer to wait until the next time to do that part. I was totally OK with that. It’s not that I’m obsessed with the rectum, I just like to be thorough.

I met a woman who may be able to help me get more exposure for this blog as well as my book called “The Happy Hoo-Ha” that I’m trying to get published. She also wondered if I’d be interested in writing some fictional stories for a smutty woman’s blog. I told her if she can give my hoo-ha more exposure, I’d love to write for her. Now, for some reason, that just didn’t sound right.

If you aren’t sure if your period is completely over, be polite and plug up. Please.

One of my girls tried getting her husband to come in and watch her get waxed, but he told her it’s like a hotdog. You really don’t want to know what goes into it, you just want to enjoy it.

A man wanted to fool around one night. His woman said no way. She told him that there is no baby butter allowed in that area the night before a wax. God, I’ve trained my girls well.