Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Some of my 40 year old women are wild. They are eager to try new and exciting things. For example, one of my divorced ladies has never had a sexual encounter with another woman. Although she currently has a man in her life, she feels the need to try out the other side just in case she is missing something really awesome. And, of course, she had to prepare herself for this encounter by coming to see me first.

Every once in awhile, the condom comes off inside a woman. And there are times when it is impossible to find that sucker and get it out. So when a 30 year old woman had to go to the doctor to get the condom out of its hiding place, she was mortified that it now says in her permanent record that a foreign object was removed from her vagina.

A woman wanted to let her husband know that she wasn’t coming right home after work because she had an appointment with me. She had to be cautious what she wrote in the email, however, because all of her emails are monitored at work. So she sent him a message saying that she had a grooming appointment. That’s an appropriate description.

When my last client of the day came in, I told her to come right upstairs, because she was my caboose of the evening. As we were walking into the wax room, she told me that I needed to take care of her caboose.

I got a phone call from a girl who used to get waxed by me in college. She was getting a manicure & pedicure at another salon and they offered to give her a Brazilian. She said it took forever. They kept going over the same areas. She started to cry because it hurt so badly. She had never gone anywhere else and was shocked that the experience could have been so different. She called me as she was leaving the salon to tell me what happened. Her voice was shaky and I could tell she was really upset. Sometimes, I’m worth the drive.

There are certain parts of the body that women don’t like to have sucked on when they are hairy, and that is one of the reasons many of them come to see me. But I had to laugh when a client told me her man was kissing her all over her body and when he started to suck her toe, she freaked out. It was hairy.

Pusses aren’t the only thing I wax. I was waxing a gay man’s back and we were talking about vagina’s. As our discussion about the vagina continued, he told me that he thought lady parts were scary, he had no idea what to do with them, so he just stayed away from them.

I hope your man has the munchies on this magnificent Monday morning. It really is a wonderful way to start the week.

It is not uncommon for women to go out for a drink after they get a wax as a reward for enduring their Brazilian experience and to celebrate their new, sexy selves. The other day, however, a woman told me she went and had a chocolate shake before her appointment as her reward. That was a first.

A woman texts her man and says she has an appointment with me at 12:30. He replies with a WOO-HO and a smiley face. That made my day.