Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

If you are going to the ocean this summer for vacation, you may want to consider getting a Brazilian. Saltwater and shaving are not a good mix. Ever see the aftershave scene in Home Alone?

There are reasons women have babies. There are also reasons mostly women get Brazilians and not men. Check out my son and his friend getting ripped by yours truly. http://t.co/fY53aJeT

And this is why I sent her to you! And on this lovely Monday morning all I’m hearing is M.E. praises! Now I hope I will never see a pic message of that horendity ever again! Thank you M.E.!

Stretch please.
~your Brazilian yoga instructor~

Although most people use hard wax for Brazilians, I prefer soft and I’ll give you another reason why. A girl went to a salon that used hard wax for the entire pubic area. A clump the size of a half dollar hardened on her lips and the technician couldn’t get it off. She picked at it for awhile, but the client started to bleed. She sent the client home and told her not to worry because it would wear off eventually. The girl’s skin was trashed and it continued to get more irritated because she had to walk around with a dollop of hard wax stuck to her skin. She ended up picking the remaining wax off of her most delicate parts for days.

Women get excited after a Brazilian Bikini Wax because it makes them feel so good. I had a woman dance around bare assed in front of my window and tell me if she had a better body, she’d be flashing it to the world.

As I was finishing the front of a woman’s bikini area, she asked me if I’d do her butt. I assured her that all Brazilians included that area. When I showed her the hair I removed from her backside, she said she knew a furry animal had died back there.

Some people fear Brazilians. Mark & M.E. clients are excited to get them. Why else would a woman moan “ooh aah, my hoo-haa!” after I was finished?

Groupon stories about Brazilians keep coming in. The most recent one was from a woman who said that the biggest problem was that it took almost an hour and the technician was uncomfortable touching her lady parts. She said that she kept going over the same areas again and again which left her very sore, she had to tweeze a ton of long hairs that she missed which took forever and, in the end, left her sticky and hairy. When she asked to have her backside done, the technician looked mortified but tried to get at the area. She asked the client to lie on her stomach and spread her cheeks which was awkward and, in my opinion, doesn’t work well. The client told me it was a very long, painful and psychologically uncomfortable experience and she felt violated in ways she couldn’t even describe.

One of my clients is going to law school out of state. Every place she has gotten a Brazilian has cost her around $80 and has taken 45 minutes. She told me I ruined it for her because if she never went to me, she wouldn’t know better. Sorry?