Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

I just got an email from a girl reminding me that Thursday is Steak and BJ day. Are you giving your man the finest cut of tenderloin?
~your Brazilian Steakhouse Executive Chef~

Day 3 of the balls lady. As she was leaving the salon, I noticed that she was walking very slowly with her legs spread unusually far apart. I asked her why she was walking that way, because I couldn’t imagine that she was in pain. Her skin looked fine after her Brazilian. She looked like a robot walking in slow motion down our hallway. It was actually pretty comical. She said that after what she went through, she thought that it was necessary to walk that way even if it didn’t hurt anymore.

The woman who thought getting a Brazilian felt like getting kicked in the balls was nervous to turn on her side. When she lifted her cheek, she said that I better watch out, because she was planning to fart on me.

First time Brazilian clients are so funny. A woman screamed after I did a large rip across the front and asked me if that is how it feels when a man gets kicked in the balls.

I love comments from my clients. One girl wrote, “you can get a half-assed wax anywhere, but if you want a whole-ass wax, go to M.E.”

If you haven’t heard the expression “blue waffle,” it is a disease that affects the color and shape of the vagina. The pictures online are horrifying. One of my Brazilian clients informed me of this malady. Let our breakfast revelations continue.

A client told me about a student who got in trouble for calling someone a twat waffle. I looked the expression up and it can be used as a noun to call someone an idiot. It can also refer to a vagina that is so shriveled up that it looks like a defrosted waffle. Even though I find that definition pretty disturbing, I am always grateful for the education I receive when giving someone a Brazilian.

For those of you who have read The Happy Hoo-ha, I talk about how I wax every size, shape and color women. That is part of what makes my job so interesting. The other day, I waxed a 6’4″ woman who was longer then the table and then a 4’9″ woman who looked like a midget in comparison.

A girl had her yearly gynecological exam then came in to see me for a Brazilian. She told me she was having a cooter abuse day.

Women like f” buddies because it is fun and there is little commitment involved. It is supposed to be less complicated then a relationship. But when a man gets so upset that he couldn’t get the woman to climax that he punches a hole through her wall, this is sounding pretty complicated and needs to end.
~your Brazilian advice girl~