Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Last night I had a neck MRI that lasted 45 minutes and all I could think of is why anyone would lie on a table for that long to get a Brazilian. It’s Barbaric!

A lady told me it was a treat to get her butt-hole waxed. I can’t really say that it is a treat for me.

Referrals are great, because it can help a woman get the inside scoop on this whole mysterious Brazilian thing. I love to hear the advice that people get from their friends before coming to Mark & ME. One woman was told to make sure she kept her hair scarf on so she didn’t get color on my pillow.

Women often wait a day to have sex after they’ve gotten a Brazilian, because it can be tender to use it the same day. I actually had a man tell me that he was going to wait a day after I gave him a Brazilian before using it, because he felt pretty tender as well.

I was telling a married couple about a nasty encounter I recently had with a client who obviously hadn’t showered in days. Then I told them a crazy story about a new man that I waxed. That’s when the man looked at me and said that I am officially a prostitute, because I will do anybody, no matter what.

I told the guy with the retractable penis that looked like a cigar nub that his penis was afraid of me. And it was.
~the Brozilian terminator~

When I finished giving a man a Brozillian, he sat up, looked down and said he couldn’t believe how much his penis had retracted. Retracted? No, that bad boy was trying to disappear.

I use the same facial wax to remove any body hair on any body. It doesn’t matter if the hair is long, short, curly or straight. It especially doesn’t matter what color it is, even though red head’s are often stubborn. But when I hear about a salon charging black girls more because they supposedly use a more expensive wax on their coarse hair, I get pissed off. That is a bull shit excuse to charge more money.

When you lie down on my table and all of your pubic hair is visible, then I do not consider you a big girl. If I can see it, then it’ll be no problem to wax it. So I had this lady apologize for being fat and I told her she was fine and why. She started laughing hysterically and said it was the first time in her life she was told she wasn’t fat because her vagina was easily in my face.

Things, for the most part, really don’t gross me out. In fact, I’m thinking about starting a picture book of all the different shapes and sizes of hemorrhoids I see all day. Some look like flesh colored candy corn. Some look like cauliflower. Some look like bouquets of flowers. Don’t avoid getting a Brazilian because you have hemorrhoids. Bring it on! Who knows, you just might make the book.