Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

When your man offers to mow your lawn. When you keep hearing disco music. When you read an article about Sasquatch in the paper. When you need to point the blow dryer South. When you can’t see any skin. When you consider braids. When you see Mark in his purple car driving with Bandit on his lap. When you see me driving my yellow car with my “wax it all” license plate. Yes, these are all reminders that you are overdue…

Since I’ve finished The Happy Hoo-Ha Trilogy, the only way to share new stories is to continue writing my blog. And since most people don’t read my hose down your hoo-ha blog, I copy it to my Facebook page every day. I love to share when “firsts” happen at Mark & M.E. A new client had been waxed one month ago at another salon by someone who was supposed to be the bomb. Not only did it take a lot longer, it was obvious that she didn’t spread the lady’s curtains, because I found some seriously long hairs in her creases. When I had her change her position so she was laying on her side, she started laughing and told me that was position that got her pregnant.

Children aren’t afraid to play in the rain or laugh out loud. I’m not sure when that point in our lives happens when we stop acting silly and forget to enjoy the little things. I love to tell the joke that I used to be a first grade teacher and now I make women look like first graders all day long. But maybe there’s more to it than that. Maybe I want to remind women what it feels like to want to have fun and to play and to laugh so hard that snot runs out of your nose. I wrote three books with the word “happy” in them, because I think people take being happy for granted. Hey, let’s make it a happy day.

I started my day by waxing this beautiful baby’s mommy. Yes, children are welcome here. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am a huge fan of etiquette, which refers to the proper and polite way to behave. When people have poor etiquette, I get annoyed. For example, I was trying to knock out some cardio this morning, and there was a woman on each side of me on the phone. The one woman was on for 20 minutes, and I found it so distracting, that I got off the machine. It was hard to get into a groove when she was rambling nonsense. I couldn’t seem to turn my music up load enough to tune her out. There are other forms of etiquette that I find necessary, like using your directional when you change lanes, holding a door open for the person behind you, or not eating a bean burrito before your Brazilian Wax. Have a polite day everyone!

I don’t think it will surprise any of you that I enjoy reading sexy novels. I’m currently re-reading the Bared to You series, which I thoroughly enjoy. It’s about rich, sexy people with totally f’d up pasts having a ton of sex. Most people would assume that novels such as these have very little value aside from getting the reader turned on or acting as an escape from reality, which are both important in my mind. This morning, however, I read an important bit of advice about relationships that I felt compelled to share. “Marriage isn’t about whether you’re strong as an individual. It’s about how strong you are together and the luxury of taking turns carrying the load.” Even smut can be philosophical.

In case you’ve never been to Mark & ME, we are not your average salon. We have a beautifully restored 1902 farmhouse that we work very hard to keep clean and updated. We utilize all three floors for salon services. People are everywhere.

There are six of us that work very hard to provide our clients with a professional yet fun experience. We are also a family with a wonderful dog named Bandit. When I walked into this room and saw Bandit on Sue’s lap, I couldn’t help but feel happy. There is a lot of love that gets shared at Mark & ME.

I may drive fast, but I am not a rude driver. Heck, I drive a car with the license plate pictured below. In addition, my new vehicle does not allow me to ride someone’s butt. My seat vibrates if I get too close to someone. Yesterday, I was driving behind a guy going 58 in the passing lane. Yep, it bugged me, I may have scooted to the left so he could see me, but I didn’t ride his butt.  When he finally moved over, I felt free.  As I passed him, he gave me the middle finger. I’ve never given anyone that sign while driving. I think it’s very offensive. I was tempted to blow him a kiss, but I didn’t want to get shot. I wish more people were happy.

This made me so happy!

I like to blog about “firsts” at Mark & M.E. I also love giving relationship advice. Today, let’s combine the two. Yesterday, a woman brought her 10 month old to her wax appointment. Remember, we are totally kid friendly at Mark & M.E. The little boy hung out at my feet. Suddenly the bed started moving. He was pushing the controller for the bed. It was adorable. The woman was in dire need of my services. She used the excuse that there was “no time” to keep up with her waxing. You must always make time for yourself. Stop making excuses for not doing the things that make you feel good about yourself. If you feel better, both you and your partner will be happier. And if you are happier, your kids will be too.  No more excuses ladies!