Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

Brazilians are a religious experience.

There are going to be quite a few sexy women from Rochester New York walking the beaches in Mexico this week. I have had so much fun helping these women get ready for their vacation. Another perk of waxing for a living!

I pulled the first wax strip off a woman’s lower stomach. She yelled “Mother of Pearl.” Then she told me she never used that expression before, didn’t know where it came from and wasn’t sure why she said it. The second rip elicited a “Jesus Christ” from her lips. Before she yelled a third time, she prefaced by saying that what came out of her mouth wouldn’t be suitable for young children.

I can’t make up the crazy things people say after they have been waxed. After the wax is complete, I put a layer of tea tree oil on the area to help get rid of the sticky residue. After I leave the room, the client takes a minute to wipe the excess oil and wax from their skin. Yesterday, I finished a woman and she jumped off the table and started to dress. I reminded her that she needed to wipe off the oil. That’s when she said, “Oh my God, I’m like a whore! I was just getting dressed quickly without wiping off first!”

When a woman enters the wax room and she is apologizing profusely for her prolonged absence from Mark and M.E., you never know what you might find. Once she undressed, I admit she had a more retro look. There was some “Oh my God’s” and some “Mother f’ers” and even some laughter that sounded a bit like frenzied hysteria. But what made it all worth while was when she got off the table, looked at herself in the mirror and exclaimed “Praise Jesus!”

Mark and M.E. has had some definite difficulties staffing our salon in the past, as do most salons in the Rochester area. Last month, we had two employees quit within one hour from one another. We believe they enjoyed their simultaneous resignations. One gave no explanation, violated her non-compete, and began soliciting our clients via phone, email and social media. The second employee gave us a long explanation how she was moving out of town, which we just discovered was a blatant lie. She also violated her non-compete by moving 2.1 miles from our location. Mark and I are utterly disheartened by the lack of morality of today’s workforce. We may demand hard work from our employees, but we never lied to them and the expectations were clear from the start. This is a difficult time for us, and we hope you all teach your children to be better people.

Mark and M.E. thinks March should be the month where we focus on being happy.
M.  ME. Make yourself a priority.
A. Always treat others the way you want to be treated.
R. Remember what is important in life.
C. Concentrate on positivity and love.
H. Have a Happy Hoo-Ha.

Not only do we wax hair off at Mark and M.E., we put hair back on too. No, we aren’t in the business of making merkins, my naughty friends. We offer natural looking, long lasting, individual eyelash extensions! Let us know if you need an appointment! 585-473-7360

I am scheduled for Jury Duty again next week. Hopefully I don’t get called so I don’t have to miss work. Last time I got called, the judge wanted to know if any of the jury members knew either of the attorneys or defendants. I had to raise my hand. The judge asked who I knew. I told the judge that the one attorney was a client at my salon. I did not say that she came to me for waxing. He asked if we talked about work. I laughed and said no. During her last visit, we talked about sex the entire time. I was dismissed.

One of my clients brought her husband in yesterday for a Brazilian. It was his idea. When I pulled the first rip from his lower abdomen, he yelled. I think the sensation startled him. Immediately he asked why I pulled so fast and then begged his wife to hold his hand. He was a big, good looking, muscular guy who shrieked away from my deadly popsicle stick. His wife commented that it was difficult to hold his sweaty hand and then noticed the sweat pouring off the top of his bald head. The wife and I tried to be sympathetic but we couldn’t stop laughing. The best part of the service was when he yelled, “did it just go dark in here?”